So I'm not obsessed with raw veganism anymore. I bought a whole bunch of fruits and vegetables. They'll never all get eaten in time. I blew our monthly food budget on them. No meat just fruits and vegetables. Can't say my family is happy with me. I learned I'm very picky about what I eat. So I did that.

I saw pdoc told him I'm getting angry for no reason. He wants to raise my AD after I come home with my service dog. I almost wrote him a note last night to up my antipsychotic because I was so angry. No idea why. I don't want to be like this at my parents house. I'm excellent at hiding my feelings even when psychotic.

I didn't tell him about the extreme diet or wanting to drawing on myself. I forgot. I really need a therapist to help me keep everything straight. I only remembered the anger because of the night before. I'm having trouble taking my meds too but I don't forget to smoke. It's turning into a habit. That I can't afford. Tonight I learned I live in a "bad" neighborhood. We took the bus to the local McDonald's (,8 miles away) for the $5 meal as we have no meat. They closed the inside so people can't eat there. There's to many homeless there. We walked by several drug deals in the open. However no one bothered us and I didn't feel unsafe. So instead of a $10 date it was $20 we split a pizza and soda.

I leave Sunday and have so much to do. I haven't packed or finished my gifts to the kids. I'm not feeling particularly cheery. I'm worried about my dog with my new dog. I'm filled with anxiety and anger. I really don't feel I can hold it together for a month. My head is hot and loud. I want to release this anger I just want to rest. Find some way to relax my body. I feel on the edge of sanity and taking me out of my environment is going to break me. I don't know how to describe what is going on with me because outside I look fine. Why can't I just be okay?