I appreciate your kind words (I really really do).... However, if that be the case, if "I deserve to receive as much as I give and be appreciated and validated as such", then why (regardless how much Ive tried to put myself out there, regardless how much Ive gone above and beyond for others, regardless how much ive sacrificed) have I been altogether **** on, cast aside, only to be treated unwanted garbage? I apologize for my tone, i dont mean to come off as rude or whatnot, i just dont understand all this. Ive been in and out of therapy for decades, yet nothing works (seemed more like a revolving door/ legalized drug bank/ get you in and back asap just so they get their $$, than anything else). I cant tell you how much ive tried to let people in, only to get the short end of the stick in the end. The only peace and solace ive been able to find, albeit obtain, is to be 100% isolated and be utterly alone. Yet even that after so long, in and of itself, becomes a trigger. Where and when do you catch a break in this life, bcuz at this point, the only solution i keep coming back round to is to end it all.