I am so sorry that you have suffered those horrible things in your life. It is absolutely heartbreaking. I am also sorry that you continue to suffer the after effects of those ordeals. Wish I knew what to say to help. My heart goes out to you.

Please don't mentally beat yourself up. You were young and loneliness is something that drives all of us to do things we regret. I think it was the loneliness and not you who is to blame. I myself have regrets over what loneliness sometimes drove me to do in my life. You are a survivor and that is an accomplishment in itself. People who have not endured these things cannot really understand.

Sorry I do not know what to say to ease your pain. I hope and pray that you will be okay.