I hear you about being conflicted. I was really reluctant to go on ODSP when I did, but honestly I was too sick to work at the time and my psychiatrist was encouraging me to apply for it, so I did and it was a real lifeline for me.
I would like to get off it, and am looking for jobs that will give me closer to full time hours so that I can get off it, but for now working part time and staying on it is really working well for me, I'm grateful to have it.
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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.
"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba