Yesterday was a really tough day. I was just in a really dark place. The heat exhaustion was too much, when I came home - my car literally said it was 110 degrees. I made a Facebook post saying, "there is no whip strong enough than the one you beat yourself with" which is exactly how I felt. I just beat myself up so badly yesterday - just my weight is bothering me so much, and the distance in my relationship.
Giovanni's letter came at the most inopportune time too, which didn't help at all. Just him writing about how he used to watch me sleep and how much he misses and loves me. It's really hard to read stuff like that. So many of my friends said I shouldn't have opened it, and I believe they are right. No good came out of reading his letter, all it did was upset me and made me beat myself up more. My bipolar was in full swing, I don't know why I ever thought I had beaten it. Today is a better day though thank God.