I often reflect on what it would mean for me to be myself in the world. And, it wouldn't be safe. Not for me nor for anyone else. I would attack anti social and psychopathic people for their violence and impulsivity. And then I'd systematically eliminate all pro social people who are just plain d***. I wouldn't do what the communists did, though I wouldn't not do what the communists did. Basically, violence. That's why, I shut down in conversations. I don't socialize. Just keep it to a minimum. I'd start swearing and call on the other person of being this and that. I'd accuse. And I'd get physical. There's a lot of pressure in doing it. Though, I stuff feelings and impulses down and only let them out in controlled situations when I'm alone. So, I giggle when I hear counselors say "be authentic, be yourself" and emphasizing how critical that is to one's mental health well being and connection with other humans. Not for me.

Also, my train arrived in time. Yay. I won't get locked out of the shelter. Closing time is 11pm.