My Support Forums - View Single Post - Bipolar Check-in #80

LadyShadow · Jul 08, 2024 at 04:33 PM

Just all over the damn place. I have to ground myself in being grateful. There are a lot of people out there with a lot of problems, dealing with a lot, and I honestly don't have a care in the world, and I feel like I am just making up stuff at this point. I have to shake myself out of this.

This morning was really hard. Feeling neglected by my boyfriend, but I knew he had his children and a life to deal with outside of our relationship. Just the realization of it has been disturbing to me. Have to focus on my independence more, and the fact that I am completely free without financial woes, a wonderful family, a nice apartment and just everything I used to pray for when I used to be really struggling years ago. I wonder though if I am on enough medication, because the swings of emotion I am feeling are really rough, maybe I was too eager to come off some of my medication? I don't know. All I know is that stupid Lithium is going to do damage to me, and it has been a big part of all this weight gain.

You guys are really wonderful @bizi and @raspberrytorte ! Thank you so much for your support. I think it's hard @bizi not to be able to things we were used to because of all the weight gain. I am glad your doctor is working with you, and I am so sorry about the falls you have had. I hope that you are able to get stronger in the coming days and get back on track. I am hoping to do the same. It really is a shame about my gym partner @raspberrytorte - she is a strange one. She texted me about how bored she is in her house and that she has no money. I mean I don't know what she expects me to do for her. It's almost like she expects me to take her out and spend money on her, that's what it feels like anyway - because how am I supposed to answer texts like that? Anyway, I have to really get into the mindset of going to the gym by myself - I like your advice, I have some headphones and an MP3 player I can listen to. I also posted an ad on the NextDoor app to see if any of my neighbors want to go to the gym. It couldn't hurt to try.

All in all, I need to reign in all these extreme feelings. I didn't have them before this relationship, and I am becoming aware of that. My ex sent me a letter in the mail that was really hard to read, and that doesn't help. He has all the time for me in the world for me though, which my current boyfriend doesn't, which is just the irony of life, I guess. Ugh.