What comes up for you when your therapist is away? Do you always talk about it with him/ her?
I used to a lot if I felt anyway abandoned, not to manipulate but it helped me to stay small and not demanding if I knew I could at least do that to myself. I always felt like I was fighting. Fighting to trust I suppose? Like it was the opposite of being Now I am just reminded of being alone in this whole battle like I was before I met T. And I am just tearful all the time because I once again feel like will inevitably be the only outcome for me. Which is what brought me to therapy in the first place.