My dude!

She is so totally messing with your mind.

She believes:
- you’ll stick around
- you deserve this
- even if it’s not for her, you’ll stay because of finances or because you won’t break up the household
- you want/desire her more than she wants you
- she’ll be fine without you

This is emotional torture. In fact, it’s emotional abuse.

She’s pushed your boundaries to a point that anything goes.

You’re staying HOPING that the person you loved will come back. She’s gone. She’s gone because who you thought she was…, She wasn’t that.

Be aware, Everyone can break and react poorly.

Watch some YouTube stuff on reactive abuse. If you are provoked too much and lash out at her,she may make an abuse claim against you.

If nothing else STOP pleading with her. It’s not going to change anything. There’s part of her that’s enjoying this degree of attention and power. Quit paying it out to her.

I’ve gone through something similar. It was for a much longer time, progressed slower, and didn’t quite reach the point you’re at.

I was you. Tortured and longing, with a young family at home.

Everyone says “therapy”. Therapy is expensive and can be hard to hide if you’re going covertly.

Use this forum. Read. Find a phone counselling service. Watch some YT videos on emotional abuse and manipulation.

Dude, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. She’s breaking your heart and she knows it.

You’re going to have to start making decisions with your head, not your heart.

RDMercer