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Have Hope
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Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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Default Jul 09, 2024 at 06:41 PM
 
Again today, it happened. This time when my brain stopped working I thought I maybe just needed coffee. I got two strong iced coffees. 1-2 hours later, my brain froze again. I couldn’t focus. It took me 2 hours to write one email. I went home. I spoke with a nurse who prescribed a new anti anxiety med 9-10 days ago. She wants me to stick with it and see how I feel in another week. She said it can take 2 or even 3 weeks to truly take effect. She’s referring me to a psych nurse now. I also received a referral today for a trauma therapist. Ok so there’s some progress in the right direction. But total brain freeze, 2 days in a row at work, making it too difficult to focus? I told my best girlfriend that it almost felt like my brain has gone into a state of shock. I can’t remember what I did the day before. I go into a room and forget why and what I was doing. I’m getting chores done and am able to care for my cat. I close the curtains when I’m home. I’m so on edge when I drive in town. Thinking I could see my abusive ex husband at any time, anywhere, or even driving by my home. I feel claustrophobic.. him moving so close to me is having a severely negative impact on my mental health. It’s getting worse since I spotted him three times in the last month. I feel stalked and abused all over again, a full year after our divorce. I’m being retraumatized with him living so close by. I was so happy for a whole year following the divorce.. until he moved right back into my neighborhood. I believe he did this deliberately to ruin my life. He did this right after he learned I had been dating. Now I close my curtains. I feel like a traumatized petrified person hiding in my home. How can I work? How am I going to make it through work tomorrow? This is horrible. Absolutely horrible.. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone.

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"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

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