Just a thought....I got involved with Celebrate Recovery. Similar to AA/ALANON but for all hurts, hang-ups & addictions. It helps with depression, anxiety & helps with those who are dealing with people who are dealing with people who have addictions alobg with those with addictions. It grows into an amazing community but has a church basis rather than just aimed at any higher power.
I get your wife being broken & pulling everyone down with her & never sees her part in it. Went through that myself & was so thankful to escape. It is truly an escape from people like that