Thanks for your comment!
I don´t expect her to be a friend but she doesn´t keep to her role either as she shares about her children, minor things about her childhood, stories from previous jobs and similar.
Meeting out of office is a thing several case managers at this place do as there are several clients that need the "walk and talk" method instead of just staying inside in a meeting room. As she has bought me coffee at a café and also herself suggested we could meet at a café instead of taking a walk I don´t see it as odd when I react to her not asking me about summer. It´s not an especially personal question either, you could ask that to your neighbor or some staff yout meet from time to time at a grocery store.
I´m not uncomfortable with her talking about her own life but then I expect her to meet me in what I tell her. The difference is though that I´m in a more problematic situation with health problems and similar and she isn´t. But then it means that I can only talk about the "fun" part of my life as she shares more of fun anecdotes, she doesn´t talk about problems in her life.
But this altogether makes it more or less impossible to draw a boundary, I can´t know what´s ok to talk about and not. I´m thinking of suggesting to her that we stay out of those "walk and talk" meetings and that we only speak on the phone. That we then only talk about work training, scheduling and similar and when I have a health issue of some kind, I don´t tell her what it´s about, I just then e-mail her and say I can´t talk to her as I´m ill.
The problem with that is though that when we find a place for work training, then I need to meet with her and representatives from the workplace. Also, as I need some adjustments to the workplace depending on my health, that becomes a more vulnerable subject and if I turn away from her, then it´s difficult to suddenly meet at such a meeting.
I feel very bad over this as our phone call today ended badly and in a rather cold and distant matter but I can´t pretend to her that I´m not bothered by how she acts.
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Originally Posted by divine1966
I think it sounds like you want her to communicate with you as a friend. She could be friendly but she’s not a friend.
I think she already goes above and beyond by meeting outside of office. I don’t think she should be expected to make personal comments about enjoying your meetings or talk about your summers. That’s something to expect from a friend.
I think it’s important to remember that they act in a professional capacity. They might love their job and might do extras like taking you to a cafe or doing chit chat but it’s a job. Like when I am thanking dental hygienist for cleaning my teeth so well. She’s not thanking me back for allowing her to dig in my mouth. I am a patient. She’s not.
Same here. This isn’t a relationship where you both equally contribute.
I think it’s understandable she is engaged on topics of job and training. It’s likely her ultimate job description to get you a job. Other stuff is a nice addition and it seems that she cares great deal about your comfort or she’d only meet in the office.
Having said that, if you are uncomfortable with her talking about her own life, maybe you need to let her know that
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