She really is great. And, last time we even talked about non-relationship related issues like my anxiety about weather, haha. It does feel good to focus on those things as well and just generally improving myself. The "orbit" idea you are discussing really sounds familiar. I totally also engage in this behavior where my H sucks up all my time and thinking and it feels like soon enough his mess takes over everything. Even when it is not a mess, his issues, wants and desires always do end up taking over. It is definitely tough to get out of.


I was also recently talking to my therapist about my H's inability to cope. He and my middle child are quite similar in their sometimes overreactions to everything and I was telling my therapist that for an 8 year old it makes sense they might not always be able to control their emotions but by the time you are an adult it seems absurd that you have a huge reaction to a non-issue. My H just had one of these not directed at me but at a family gathering with his family where his sister-in-law (his brother's wife) and his father were not letting him speak and kept telling him to be quiet and he exploded at them. He explained it to me like he feels like he is in distress but I think at some point as an adult you have to be in control of your reaction. Even if it just means he walks out of the room, that is okay but screaming at them is just not appropriate for an adult. But, I suspect that smacks of the childhood trauma he doesn't want to deal with.


Lol, I definitely live in one of those parts of the country, thus my weather anxiety, but it is totally true. During the good days the only thing I can do is still just concentrate on myself. It is always the best advice honestly. My H has a really hard time on the occasions where my priorities don't sync up to making him my priority and the truth is, he doesn't always have to be my priority and that is okay. I can be a priority for myself before him. I think one of the best things to come out of this whole ordeal is learning that I can make plans and do things on my own without him and that is okay. Back when he was sure only a divorce could cure his own issues, my H didn't care about stuff like that. Now that he is less depressed, it bothers him. That dichotomy is difficult to deal with for me, and clearly he doesn't respond well to me telling him I am confused because he said he wanted nothing to do with me.


Anyways, summer has flown by in a whirlwind of busy activities and good quality time with the kids. I am so trying to enjoy it all while it lasts and the kids are still young. How is your summer going so far? I hope all is well with you?