@jmariah001 It's great you have a proper BPD diagnosis. I know a lot of therapists/pdocs are hesitant to give that dx, but when I got mine, it explained a lot and let me know that I need to work on a lot of the maladaptive thoughts and behaviors more engrained in personality, in my case in learned experiences growing up, rather than mood episodes treated mostly with meds and a healthy lifestyle. If you find a helpful support group for BPD, let me know! I've been doing some DBT with my therapist and going through Dr. Fox's "The Borderline Personality Workbook" and, although with DBT I've only done the mindfulness module and a couple distress tolerance skills (have dabbled in emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships with other therapists/in groups too) and started the workbook last week, both have been helpful with both understanding and keeping as grounded as possible.

I also wish the best for everyone else. I hope those flying high have a gentle landing, those dealing with a variety of chaotic animals handle the stress well (you're rocking it @BeyondtheRainbow), all the medical tests go well and any sicknesses are short and mild, family struggles get resolved or have the best possible outcome, and also @Blue_Bird those cats are freaking cute!!!!!

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It's hard to keep it copacetic here. I'm trying to "keep things boring" like my old NP always wanted me to do, but I keep getting into situations where someone (read: my mom) starts crossing boundaries, and asking her to give me some space to fill out paperwork, not walk in on me getting ready for a shower, not go through my backpack (it was great explaining the pregnancy tests to her--doubted it, but haven't had a period since March so I figured might as well just in case), not go through my phone, and ESPECIALLY not stick her fingers down a shirt pocket "to see if it was a real pocket." No. She doesn't listen to "please give me some sense of privacy and please don't touch me." It takes a "back the fkk off," followed by a contest of chicken but instead of seeing who gets scared of running into the other person, it's who can make the other person feel more threatened than it's worth (Not give a shyt about consequences ensures I almost always win this game). So yeah, I guess in this place I have to use rage to set boundaries like I've had to for as long as I can remember. No one said the words "sorry" or "apologize." Like I've learned, those words are totally empty regardless of where they fit in what you say, so conflict settled by saying "I know, just say it, I'm the worst person ever and you wish you took your birth control correctly." "You're not the worst person. There are worst people out there than you." Thanks.

I'm afraid to talk to anybody here. I don't want to do the "talk to a decent person leading to talk to their "fun" friend followed by seeing the old drug dealer" thing. My CM wants to see me later today but says she'll call if I can't make it down and same thing with T later this week. I've been looking at menus for the dispensaries across the border, and it is TEMPTING. Also on the drive, I go by 3 liquor stores, one at a rest stop where I don't even have to get off the highway, along with ending up really close to the largest one in NH (I went there once, 'tis quite impressive). I did get a call that there's an opening at a shared living environment I put in an application to a while back, and the manager of the program emailed me a bunch of paperwork so chances are I will be moving to a better environment at some point. Hoping for the best!