I suppose I could add to this, due to a last-minute vacation by my T this week (though he is still seeing clients virtually for part of the day). Something that came up for me last week when he shared that he was going on a family vacation was a strong feeling of abandonment, plus a sense of jealousy. That the younger part of me wished I could go on vacation with him.

I ended up admitting this to him on Friday (after becoming really upset the evening after the session earlier in the week when he'd announced it). I said I felt ashamed of those feelings. And how I know realistically that I can't go with him. And how I understood that he deserved a vacation (he's been very stressed about an office move that's had some complications) and to spend time with his family. He said he was impressed that I felt able to share that. And knew I'd never actually ask to go with him.

In trying to explore what was behind it, I said how part of me wanted to see the vacation side of him, like the relaxed, fun side. And that I realized it also came from a paternal transference place, like I wanted to be his child in that scenario, not his wife (his actual child's in his mid-teens, but I imagined myself as being younger being there with him). It helped to be able to talk about all that.

I wonder if any of that is part of it for you?