Welcome to MSF, Laura...

I hope you meet some kindred spirits here...

Sorry you've gone through such a rough time and hope things get better for you...

Stopping the consumption of alcohol is a good plan, as alcohol is a depressant.

Taking your medication as instructed is good to do, as well, as part of the self-care needed to get you on a new path.

Before you were diagnosed as Borderline, did they rule out major depression with psychotic features?

Here's some info about it: Psychotic Depression / Depression with psychotic features ASSESSMENT SCALE

If you need help stopping the alcohol and other substances, there's AA or NA groups you can join online.

Best wishes to you... Hugs, as well.