My Support Forums - View Single Post - Bipolar Check-in #80

LadyShadow · Jul 16, 2024, 01:07 PM

So, the power came back on by the time I got home, which is excellent. Thank God for a reliable power company. Getting up at 6:30am was quite a challenge - I didn't actually get out of the house till close to 8am, but at least my gym buddy was there to start our workout. It's been nice having an accountability buddy again. After the gym, I went to a local deli and gained back all the weight I might have lost with an egg, cheese and sausage on a roll with a hash brown, lol. Sometimes I laugh at the ridiculousness that I do. I was also so agitated when my boyfriend called me though, I kind of snapped at him a bit - don't know where all my discontentment is coming from.

So, I went to church. It was dark, it was empty, it was silent and it was SO peaceful. I cried and asked God to forgive me for being so angry all the time. I feel your pain @Blueberrybook - I think I have body dysmorphia too - except I am well over 200 pounds and hating everything about myself. God quietly spoke to me though, and told me to be kinder to myself, and kinder to my boyfriend, and remember how much I have overcome in the past three years.

Learning every day to be kinder and less mean to myself. No one can beat me up more than I can beat myself. It's almost its if I think I deserve it - and then it turns into bitterness and anger, and even more self-hate. Need to work on that more. The AA meeting was really good too, I talked about my anger and some of the work I need to continue to do. A nice lady also thanked me so much for calling and checking on her yesterday, and that made me feel good.

Just a quick reminder to everyone to do something nice for yourself today. I am going to treat myself to ice cream later after my probation appointment, because you all know how I feel about going there every month, lol.