After I had a scheduled dr's appointment, day's been shyt. Trying to search my DBT handouts for a skill that'll help but won't allow me to take an opportunity to hurt myself (can't do things like (cold) showers, anything with taste, or drives for example). Gonna journal with IMPROVE, but I already know it's going to feel forced and fake, but I guess it'll pass time and I know forcing that mindset will eventually make it not feel forced.

I don't even want to do that. I already did shyt today for myself and now I just want to dig myself into a hole. It will get deeper and deeper though, and I'll stop thinking "I could make this better, but won't," but start thinking "I want to do better, but can't."

Ughhh I want to stop this. Literally no one wants me on this planet, and I don't want to be here, so what the fcck am I doing?