By the end of this month, July, it marks one year since I left a really abusive relationship I was in while I was a minor, 16-17, with a man 15 years older than me. I didn’t realise it at the time but it’s really hitting now. I mean, in the beginning I didn’t realise how bad it was. I was just lonely and I guess he groomed me and love bombed me which made me feel special. But after all the verbal, emotional, and even some physical abuse where I would cry like 4 times a week and was coerced and forced to do things in the bedroom I didn’t want to. Few months after it caused psychosis from the ptsd and chronic cannabis use, now I don’t smoke weed anymore since 8 months ago, yay me! But now sometimes I drink to ease the pain. Tonight I think the drinking perpetuated the insomnia. Last few weeks I’ve had quite a few night mares, flashbacks, and insomnia. Which I’m experiencing right now. I’ve cried quite a bit. I’m 18 and recently had a knee injury which caused my mom to sleep next to me again and it’s helped with the insomnia but she says I move too much so she went to sleep somewhere else. I feel ashamed and sad. No friends, my mom is my best friend. I feel broken and used. I feel ashamed for the things I did while I was with that evil man and after while in psychosis. I’m also ashamed and regretful of the pain I caused my mom. Even though she says I’m the best she could ever ask for. I’m really attached to her and it hurts that while I was with him and sometime after while I was still smoking I was really distant and mean to my family. I feel intense regret. Tonight I cried and begged god to erase those horrible memories. Thank you for reading.