—>the truth is, he doesn't always have to be my priority and that is okay. I can be a priority for myself before him. I think one of the best things to come out of this whole ordeal is learning that I can make plans and do things on my own without him and that is okay.<---

This made me smile

If nothing else, at least live your own life.

The sad part (voice of experience) is that when the other person can't/doesn't bring their share to the table, our family/situation doesn't look like we want it to . I spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out ways to correct the situation, so that it would be what it “should be”, and then I could be happy. It wasn't going to happen, because one person can't bring more than their half-share to the table in a relationship. When you're at that point, the only healthy option you're left with is to take care of yourself.

—>That dichotomy is difficult to deal with for me, and clearly he doesn't respond well to me telling him I am confused because he said he wanted nothing to do with me.<---

You H behaved pretty badly and did some very hurtful things to you. Now, it kind of seems like he wants things to look differently, but he hasn't done much to make amends, or deserve something other with you again. You have every right to feel hurt, and even betrayed, by the way he has treated you. You wouldn't be taking care of yourself if you didn't want some accountability there. The only problem, as you already know, is that he may not be up to that. Therein lies the dilemma…

Some people choose, or are able, to leave. Some people have to make the best of a lousy situation. If you're going to be in a less than ideal situation, at least do it on your terms…. It gets less lousy that way.

With or without your H being a team player, enjoy your kids. This time really does fly, and those moments are precious- and the building blocks of your future relationships with them. They are the good things in all this.

Our summer has been very warm so far. DD and I try to get out in the mornings when it's cool enough, but we've been enjoying a lot of indoor activities this summer.

One piece of news from here is that H’s counselor “resigned.” He's under the impression that she left the practice, but he's had very little change in the two years he's been in counseling; ethically she may have been obligated to step away from his care. I'm not going to put that thought in his head though. The practice offered him a new counselor, and he declined. It's doubtful it'll make much difference whether he's in counseling or not. Honestly, a lot of times the counseling sessions seemed to be sounding boards that just bolstered his ego, so it might be better if he's not going. Time will tell…

Hope that you've been doing well recently, and have had lots of fun with your kids, friends, and yourself this summer.