Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed
I am a bit worried because I've been having racing thoughts and kinda jumping from one thing to another. I also spent $71 on a Levis jacket a few days ago and $59 on a pair of shoes yesterday. And sometimes I do get pretty irritated. I did go down 20mg on my Geodon a couple weeks ago. I'm not sure its really working out being without the 20mg. I should probably go back up. My pdoc doesn't know I went down anyways.
I was also pretty paranoid yesterday about some guy walking around outside my house. But to be honest, he did look grubby and shady.
I took the 20mg Geodon and now my moods have crashed. Idk why or what that means. But I seem to have stopped with the urge to buy a bunch of jello and pudding mixes.
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Knowing this, I guess it's something to keep an eye out for. Especially with the irritability. I get AGGRESSIVE when I'm manic. "Who can scare the other person away first" contests that when hypo/manic I always win, "you're breathing too loud so I'm going to tell you to shut the fcck up and avoid you for 3 days," once my pdoc knew I was at the manic stage and asked how we can keep me safe and I stormed out screaming "fcck safety, I'm going to go [incredibly dangerous possibly fatal thing]!" (side note: when you do that, they tell the police to go to the bridge and keep you from getting on it).
Screw (hypo)manic irritability. So much guilt, especially when it was there with my grandma in her later years and I scared her with my anger. She was the one solace throughout my entire childhood, the person who could always make me feel safe, and I made her feel unsafe.
Going back up is a good idea. I feel like one dose of extra 20mg wouldn't quickly switch a person from elevated to depressed (well, most people from my probably over a years worth of seeing people treated in IP anyways), but I tend to feel "pure" depression is easier and safer to handle than mania. No ruining your life and then coming out of it with guilt, shame, and trauma in addition to the probable depression following
