@raspberrytorte
No problem, you didn't know. And everyone has been great to put triggering issues like rape, drug use, sexual abuse, SH, SI in trigger boxes but not food lists. And like I said if someone says I've been working on my diet to lose 20 lb. (or however much) and by exercising I have lost 5 lb. now, it doesn't bother me. Just when it happens again and again. Such as today my weight was X. Then the next day your weight is Y. And so on. The following day X.1 again, etc. If you say I had a salad without dressing for dinner that's fine. As long as you don't methodically list every other food you ate that day. Posting a healthy BMI is fine. I don't mind an overweight BMI but I DO get triggered by an unhealthy LOW BMI. Now, that may seem crazy, but in this country, the perception is everyone wants to be thin and not overweight. The whole point of EDs like anorexia, bulimia, unspecified EDs is to be thin. I know there is binge eating and so on, but I seriously doubt people who binge eat long to be overweight. I hope I'm making some sense and not going on too long about it. I can't speak to anyone else with an ED though.

Food lists do send me on a guilt trip. When I walk for exercise, my metabolism generally goes into overdrive. I know I have to consume 1500-2000 cal/day to maintain my weight. I don't count calories any more, but thanks to my ED I do have a general knowledge of estimates of calories in most of the foods I eat. So I don't count calories per se, but I have a roundabout knowledge of it and I do know that on average, a lot of people don't have to eat as many calories as I do just to maintain weight. But seeing low cal. daily food intake lists makes me very extremely guilty and as if I'm a glutton for eating so much food, and I'm going to get fat (even though I've never been overweight), I fear it, then I think OMG, nearly ALL the women in my family are overweight, it's heredity, I've got to do all I can to stay skinny and not get fat.

I know what I really need is to maintain a healthy weight and not act on those ED thoughts. But they easily become all-consuming thoughts I still have to fight not to act out.

I should have asked if someone posting issues that are triggering for EDs put them in a trigger box if you don't know.

I think my morning and night meds tend to wear off at points after so many hours, and I am still adjusting to taking lamotrigine 2 times daily and my full dose of Seroquel at night again.

I was agitated after I woke up, BUT I slept 9 hours last night!

I went for my morning walk. It wasn't great that today is trash day and everyone had their trash at the curb, so it didn't smell the greatest. But the park walking trail at least didn't have trash bags along it. I had a good walk, and walked a slower pace than I had been walking last week. I think mania made me do everything fast - walking, cooking, getting up from the couch to let my cat inside or outside, folding laundry and putting it away. It was like I had a motor in me urging me to hurry and do the next thing and the next thing and next without slowing down to take a break from anything or doing tasks thoroughly and not slapdash.

My body is tired from the mania.

When I was stable, I found stability boring. Though of course, I didn't long for depression either. No one wants to be depressed. I did long for mania, but this last round of mania was the first I did NOT enjoy. It was too much input too fast, whirring racing ideas, not even completing one idea before the next idea roared in, my family of course wasn't happy about the mania either, H had to help me with chores like cooking and vacuuming because I couldn't do them correctly. I couldn't read my library books. I couldn't drive. Well, I still can't drive; H has my keys and I don't think he'll give them back until pdoc OKs it.

My next pdoc appt. is Thursday. H is driving me and sitting in on the appt. H usually does not sit in on my pdoc appts. or drive me there, only when I've had a very disruptive episode of mania, psychosis or depression.

I hope everyone has a great rest of the day!