Those posts were why I stayed away. Not because I have an Ed but because I’m struggling with an esophageal problem that is very painful and often makes me throw up. Seeing that day after day was too much. I had bleeding ulcers when I was 8 so cancer is a concern of mine. I’m on a boatload of medication for this.

But anyway the reason I wanted to post was that I’ve come to the realization that I’m terrified to lose weight. I’m very stable and boring but respected and liked by a great many people where I live and I want to keep that. But the AP has lead to weight gain and my pcp wants me to lose it. But I’m scared to because I lose weight on both ends of the spectrum. When depressed I have great anxiety and paranoia and lose weight, when manic I’m too crazy to eat. I have lost everything including homes, friends and jobs when this happens. And I like what I have now. I should probably get a therapist and talk about this, but that too is fraught with past associations.