My wife was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II, and we've just survived a horrific half-year (two suicide attempts, physical violence, an emotional and sexual online affair, voluntary and involuntary hospitalization, all painfully detailed in this PsychCentral thread). She's likely been bipolar for over a decade but she was badly misdiagnosed.

Her moods are much less extreme and she's no longer dangerous now that she's on new medication, and for the most part she tells me and shows me how much she loves me. And I believe her. But she's displaying obsessive behaviour I don't understand.

She had a serious online affair with a guy in the UK (we're in Canada) she met through Facebook. I found out about it via her e-mails on our home computer. When she was released from the psychiatric hospital in May, we both decided to put the past behind us and start over with a clean slate. Then I found out she was text-messaging him (650+ messages over a four-week period). I confronted her, and she was terrified she had ruined her fresh start and that I'd hate her. She said she wants me, but she gets confused and can't help messaging this guy. I made her promise to cut off all contact with him and she agreed. But now she's sending him e-mails again. She tells him she's breaking up with him. But then she tells him to call her. Then she says she misses having him in her life. She's acting like a cyber-stalker.

What I don't understand is that she knew I’d eventually find the text messages because our wireless bill was three times bigger than usual. And I’m sure she knows I’m likely watching her computer use. And this guy is 4200 miles away and inaccessible to her. It’s like she’s knowingly sabotaging both our relationship and her affair.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of contradictory, self-destructive adulterous behaviour with bipolar disorder?