Pawpaw is gone. his house no longer stands as a place of peace as people are fighting. i feel apathetci about everything. i know i should care about school but i dont. i just wanna sleep away time. i dont care about my job or keeping my apt neat. im barely cooking for me and my husband these days. life feels too bleak and i dont wanna talk to my therapit about this but i just wanna quit everything and stayin my bed. people say they are here for me if i need them but no one understands how hard this is. seeing my mom cry over the man who came into her life and was a father figure for 60 years was hard. we had him longer than most. im 37 and he was my last living grandpa. he was 94 about to turn 95. the army honor guard were wonderful. it was powerful to see my papwaws life honored for his service in the korean war conflict. I dont care about anything.

i just wanna hide from anyone and everything. i wanna be alone. i want my life back the way it was.