It sounds like you really need to talk to someone. I don't know any of the numbers to call for helplines like that, hopefully someone here will.
You have had a difficult time with your pawpaw's death. Gunshots trigger me too  You are not a crybaby; death of someone close is a hard issue for anyone to deal with.
Definitely keep that appt. with your T. 
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD
Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,
There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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