Spiraling soooo badly right now. It seems like each evening is getting worse. I tried a 988 chat, but the gal just said to go to a meeting.
Possible trigger:
I'm kinda considering it, but literally every meeting I've gone to has only been triggering. Some people glorify it, and then people say it's ruining their lives. I don't know, blacking out and being self-destructive is kind of a win-win in my mind right now. I'd get back, hide, and drink. That meeting is also 30 minutes one way and two liquor stores right on the road, three if I stay on the main roads and take a longer route distance wise but same travel time, and it's also not for 2.5 hours.
(trigger within a trigger
)
Although one thing I was told to work on is identifying some sensations I get when about to do something stupid, and I'm recognizing one of those right now is feeling like my body is a cage, but the insides are growing and pressure is rising.
eta: went outside and bawled my freaking eyes out. Tried reading, but I feel like I'm going to pass tf out. Glad I didn't try a meeting, probably would've left and not actually go there.