I have been more or less "recovered" from anorexia some 20 yr. but I still struggle with ED thoughts, and lately, they have been worse.

I meant to go walking this morning like I do every morning lately. Today, it was raining out, so I had to skip my walk. I decided I needed a rest day from walking & exercise as I haven't had a rest day in quite awhile.

But OMG, I am so stressed and anxious now b/c I skipped my walk. Thoughts of I'm going to get so fat now, I'm lazy, I NEED to exercise every day. Now, I do have mild OCD and I NEVER like messing up my morning routine - get up, go to the bathroom, feed the cats, take care of litter, put up clean dishes in the dishwasher, go for a walk, take a shower, start laundry, etc. Skipping or delaying any part of this routine or even doing it in another order always causes me anxiety.

However, taking a rest day from exercise is causing me HUGE anxiety out of proportion to normal. I KNOW taking a rest day once a week from exercise is needed and considered normal for people who exercise. But the darn ED thoughts are blowing up in my mind too.

I have HUGE anxiety about this, and I didn't even have regular coffee this morning but decaf (trying to cut down on caffeine). Lately, less caffeine has been helping my anxiety but not today and it's all due to the fact I didn't exercise.

I can't make this anxiety go away with grounding, deep breathing, etc. I do have aromatherapy, but it's in the bedroom and H is still sleeping. I am going to make some chamomile tea to see if that helps.

I HATE this! I know these thoughts I'm having relate to the ED I left behind years ago. I often have ED thoughts I don't act on even after all these years, but this is much stronger than the last time I took a rest day. I hope the tea will help. This is awful.