relapsedddddd and I think I forgot to flush the toilet because my mom went in there and flushed it and came out and avoided me. We usually avoid each other, but this time she was physically present and avoided me instead of each of us off doing our own thing?

I hate how out of control it feels. Purging used to give me that feeling of control, but now it's like I freak out if I don't after eating too much, and after I feel even MORE out of control. And now I juts....ugh...