My anxiety levels are high. Tuesday will be my next to last session before the 6 week break. Well,not exactly a break because I'm seeing someone else but that won't amount to a lot more that the more superficial things. I miss (my therapist) is probably going to be the biggest topic for those weeks.


I'm so anxious tonight. It's partly that and it's also because of something I can't post about here but it's messed up family stuff. And then the possibility of moving. We tried seriously to move to where my sister lives about 3 yearsa ago and found the market impossible. So every so often we'd see a house but we haven't found what we need. One last week was about 95% but no way for an elderly person with mobility issues to get in or out. Which is a big concern since my mom will live there too and while she's in perfect health right now that could change. But we weren't that serious, partly because I don't really want to move. I feel secure here. But after a talk with my therapist recently I decided to support this and so we're more actively looking now. Wednesday a real estate agent is coming to tell us how much our houses here are worth. This means wer'e more serious and I'm still struggling with that. But I know it's the smart thing to do if we ever find a house.

This is also hard because it is making me accept that my mom, while a dynamite who runs circles around me, won't always be here and I'm so close to her that it will be horrible to lose her. I can't imagine my world without her right there. (We live across a driveway from one another).

It's too much all at once. In fact I'm almost crying. I haven't cried in years bc of my meds dulling things. I didn't cry but I sure got teary. too much at once....I feel out of control of my life. Even though I agreed to this now it seems real and scary. And I need my therapist for more than 2 hours to help with this. Maybe I'll have something to talk to the replacement about after all.