Yes, I deeply yearn for L. I have done that with almost all my Ts. L is probably the worst. I've told her I wish I could shrink so small that I could fit in her pocket and she take me with her everywhere.

I tried not to get attached to L. But I failed from the very start: our first conversation on the phone and then our first assessment session. There was like 2 months between our session and when T left for maternity leave. I wanted to keep in contact with her. Both T and L said no. Those 2 months, I was able to pull back and settle down again. When we actually started, again, I tried so hard, and again I failed.

Same thing happened with T when I met her. Swore I wouldn't get attached.

L believes in order to learn interdependence, we need to learn health dependency as well. So she actually encourages attachment. I haven't gotten to interdependence yet, but I have noticed I've become more secure with her, less fear of abandonment.

But the yearning is still there. I have contact with her daily to try to soothe that feeling. It does help. I also think it might be hindering me. For now I'm "trusting the process".