It did concern them and they moved up my pdoc appointment. wtf are meds that take forever to work going to do?

this is stupid. I have had a nearly exhausted bipolar med list and everything either causes akathisia (which I will NOT tolerate), has almost killed me, made things worse, and/or did not work. I can write them all down. Fck it, I will.

Lithium--worked okay except sometimes I wouldn't eat or drink so I'd get toxic and eventually I OD'd and now I have diabetes insipidus and a horrific tremor
Depakote-Yeah, I wasn't manic. I wouldn't have even called that "depression." It was as close to a forever nap as it gets.
Tegretol--stereotypical allergic reaction
Lamictal-I don't even know. I've had severe manic episodes on it, and maybe it starved off a couple minor depressions, but if it got bad the lamict did shyt.
Trileptal--did absolutely nothing
Gabapentin-zip
Topamax-zip, but it helped me get severely underweight
zonegran-see topamax
Thorazine-scary EPS stuff (akathisia & involuntary facial movements) & insomnia
fluphenazine--tube up my urethra, akathisia
haldol-tried to off myself because of such bad akathisia and having literally no dopamine so "fk it, let's gooooo (to hell, which I probably thought I was already in)"
Risperdal-delirium (that was like two weeks of a bad trip of whatever the strongest craziest hallucinogenic out there is)
Invega-allergic reaction, and they wouldn't stop the injections so it turned from a little rash to a third of my body red and itchy
Zyprexa-fk that. I want to do things other than eat and sleep
Clozapine-fk that. I want to do things other than eat, sleep, and get bloodwork
Seroquel--literally fell asleep on bags of dirt at Home Depot. Didn't even work
Geodon-"queasy does it." Also didn't work. So I guess queasy doesn't actually do it.
Abilify--akathisia, nausea, kinda worked.
Latuda-akathisia. My first experience with it too, and I was not forewarned and gobbled up ativan like a bear that came across a bird feeder
Saphris--akathisia to high hell, and didn't do a damn thing
Fanapt--I fell like twice a day on that stuff
Vraylar--did jack.
Antidepressants: Lexapro, Prozac, Effexor, (it was either cymbalta or celexa i don't remember), wellbutrin all caused some sort of mania or rapid cycling.
---Remeron and amoxapine were tried. Remeron just made me a polar bear in spring.I think amoxapine helped with depression, but I think I was on clozapine at the time and therefore not likely to get manic.

Yes. There are like five mania-friendly options I have not tried, and I know my substance use probably affects a lot of my reactions (or lack of) but that's still in the equation.

This appointment is apment (get it? POINT-less? I'll get out now)