Quote:
Originally Posted by InkyBooky
I'm sorry that he is causing you to doubt yourself, second guess yourself, and even shame yourself for very natural things (ie: requesting a session with R while he is unavailable). It seems you were taking care of yourself and using your resources. If he has concerns about the dynamic between the three of you then he should've waited to address that later when the "crisis" was over.
I feel that he is really dropping the ball on so many levels. He's put you in a position where you feel that you need to take care of him and his emotions (ie: trying not to upset or anger him in order to keep the relationship intact)- which is not your job and is a pretty f-ed up place for a therapy client to find themselves.
I speak from experience on that one.
For me, that sort of dynamic is familiar and stems from childhood. When it happens again in therapy it's sometimes called an enactment and it can be very damaging for the client. It's the therapist's job to ensure it doesn't happen or to at least be aware of the signs that it may be happening. He seems oblivious and I'm afraid you will be the one to pay the price.
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Thanks, Inky. I do wish he'd waited to address the concerns until after the crisis. And he'd never said before it was a problem, so I didn't even consider that it would be, especially because he was off today (along with Monday and Tuesday). R seemed confused by it, too.
It does feel like I need to take care of him at times. Which I shouldn't have to do, like you said. Plus, it's repeating patterns from my past. And it's especially frustrating that in this case, I *was* trying to take care of him by not bothering him in the middle of a move.
Sorry you've experienced that with a T, too...
Interesting you mention enactments, as I was actually saying at the end of session with R that I wondered if some of this with him is an enactment. She was like, "You choose to stay with him, so you must generally get something helpful out of the relationship." I said, "Or I'm a masochist. Or it's an enactment." Unfortunately, we were almost out of time then.