I'm not saying I'm NOT manic. I just doubt it. I mean, yeah, my mood's been ridiculously unstable lately, but I only fantasized about sui for a couple hours yesterday and an hour or so this morning. But this was a situational switch. Maybe I was just on the low side because I was lonely, and today a woman smiled at me, my favorite cashier was at the dollar store and we had a good conversation, I GAVE A GUY MY PHONE NUMBER AND WE'RE MEETING IN A FEW HOURS!!!! and at the park this woman's little kid was crying over falling behind the pack like kids do, and the woman just gave me a "I love being a mom, it's awful," smile and shake of the head. I had a good walk at the park. The trees screamed green, purple flowers littered the meadow and kept saying how great the day will go, plenty of geese seemed at peace. I'm finally doing some laundry. I just hope my good bra dried before I head out I don't know how this is going to go, but this guy just seems perfect! I know that's the idealization and nobody's perfect, but fk trying to reason my mind into not liking people! I keep thinking about all the possibilities of when we get together, and even the "bad" ones would be worth it. I don't care if I get myself into trouble. Maybe I need a little trouble

Ughhh I've been needing a day like this for soooo long!

oh, and am seeing CM in the morning and pdoc later tomorrow. They won't do jack because they'll see they were worried about nothing and I can make it out of anything if I want to.