That's a good way of putting it, the Ross and Rachel analogy! The love stuff also showed how we seem to understand the same terms differently. And some other things.

I do think the anger can potentially help--blaming myself and apologizing for everything may appease him, but it doesn't really move the relationship anywhere. (Though I imagine it makes him happy.)

I just wonder whether he can tolerate my anger and being challenged--and I suppose, conversely, whether I can tolerate his toward me. Or "aggravation," as he called it when I asked if he was angry at me for reaching out during the move. Though he seemed truly angry at a couple points during our conversation (like when he said I yelled at him).

I think of what ex-T said once about relationships, though at the time, it was about me and H: How sometimes you need to turn up the heat in a relationship to move it forward--not like in a sexual way, but to express the anger, have a fight, etc. Maybe that's true here? And if it can't survive that, then I imagine it wasn't as strong as it seemed in the first place.

It's a rare day: I'm not only cursing, but also quoting a helpful thing ex-T said.