It's so unbelievably hard to sit in silence. It's overwhelmingly anxiety inducing because I'm used to overwhelming my senses with input 24/7 and distractions. I don't like being alone with my thoughts because it makes me anxious, but silence is a good thing and I want to have more of it in my life. Just drinking coffee in the morning in silence. No tech, no sounds, just me and my cats existing and being present. for a few hours. I'm trying to stop escaping myself and my life. I love watching shows and movies too and I still will but I'm also trying to spend more time reading because it reduces my anxiety and stress levels more, and is more fulfilling. I love music, I am going to start practicing my violin again. I fell off it for a few months. I want to get back to it though because it's very fulfilling to do and I love it. It's another thing that requires time, patience, focus, mindfulness, and consistency to get to any level of mastery with it.

My apartment building manager asked if I would help with two of their events coming up so I'm going to be doing that. I'm trying to socialize more. To interact with people and get out of my apartment. I'm gonna ask my neighbor if she wants to have coffee sometime. I want to have more experiences with people, I feel a lot better when I've socialized. It puts me in a much better mood. I always loved being an introvert and convinced myself I don't need a social life but everybody needs to socialize it's literally imperative and important for mental wellbeing, it doesn't matter whether you're an extrovert or introvert. Relationships matter. I don't want to sit home at my apartment on my phone scrolling social media while my life passes me by, I've done that the majority of my life. I have to start living my life and being involved in my life, actually being mentally present and an active participant in my life.

Sorry for the random rambling, that's just what's been on my mind and what I've been trying to do lately