Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
"He found that if he ever mentioned reducing sessions, even saying to let him know when I'm ready (as I'd said I eventually wanted to reduce), I'd get really emotional. So I think he learned to not bring it up because he didn't want to upset me (he just chooses to upset me in other ways!)"
I think this is a huge problem - I don't think this is the way to view this. He might have mistakenly added to the problem by not wanting you to get upset (and the idea has seemed to cause you to spiral for whatever reason) -but it isn't him that is upsetting - you are choosing (perhaps not consciously) to become upset - he is not doing it to you. I would not give him that power over you. Adults act and other adults respond in various ways and both are on each actor.
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I agree it’s a huge problem, though not exactly for the same reasons. He’s afraid of your emotions. He seems to have little grasp of them—like he’s surprised how upsetting the move is to you. Who knows what else his fear of your emotions has caused—like letting other boundaries lapse. He’s not thinking long-term about your treatment, just placating you in the short term.
(I am not saying any of this is conscious on your part.)
What he wants is an adult client, not a more personal relationship or friendship. But you’re not his typical client. You’re in therapy mainly to heal childhood wounds as far as I can tell. That means in therapy you’re not in adult mode, and you want that personal relationship or friendship. You need someone who isn’t afraid of your emotions and can hold boundaries in the face of them.
And this fundamental dysfunction leads to blow ups like this and others.