So I went to the pdoc. I told him my month was hell but it's getting better being home. He wants to wait a month to change my meds. I didn't tell him I have sh thoughts because they're getting better. I still feel confused. If things don't improve we will change my AP. I'm not happy about that but I can't keep going down hill. I realized I was sick before 13. Which makes me look back on my life with grace. H says no matter how nice my parents were it doesn't stop the programming from years ago. I'm trying to let go. My parents have grown into great people but years of being not so great took a toll on me. I never want Victoria to feel like I felt this past month.