I'm beyond scared at this point. I came back from the hospital today and I FCCKED SHYT UP. like, broken vodka bottles, probably an entire phonebook's worth of shredded paper, and an exercise mat shreddings abound, a an atomic nucleus literally engraved in the wood on the porch, and I don't even want to look at my past emails/texts/posts

I just spent like 20 minutes in crisis because I didn't know if a piece of mail I got was real or if it was stolen. I have absolutely no clue as to what is real. I'm still really paranoid but I have reason to be? but that's what they/we all say?

I seriously wish I had an antipsychotic. I would literally die for 5mg of haldol or zyprexa right now. I know I bash meds a lot because of my bad experiences, but this is my psych "farmer says he needs a doc," moment.

I serrrrrrriously want to drink (initially wrote "need a drink" but I know better)

What does one do in psychosis but can kinda reality check and has no access to APs?

I fking hate this shyt it feels like literally everything in language is about me either I'm hearing it straight up about me or it's coded and I know it's not or can't or shouldn't but I can't BELIEVE it