I can’t sleep… my brain won’t shut off. So I’m simply not gonna try anymore. I’m really angry about something that probably will seem really stupid and petty. My dad approached me about a fund he set up for his Alma mater where he earned his Ph.D. It wasn't to ask me to contribute or anything— it was just to see if I'd monitor the fund after he passed away. i was fine with it— after all, it's for a good cause (providing financial assistance for students who pursue their passion), and it means a lot to him. And then he told me he'd asked my cousin about it first, but that he didn't think she had understood what he was asking her. My ****ing cousin who works at ****ing NASA. Why is he asking my cousin before he asks his own daughter? Because he likes her better. Because she's got a graduate degree and therefore he thinks she's smarter. What won't my father do or say to piss me the **** off and make my ****ing blood pressure go through the roof. I am so sick of his pathetic, pompous, egotistical, patronizing ********. I am honestly considering changing my travel plans. The more I think about this, the less I think staying with them is a good idea. And my mom is being irritating too, only over something completely different… I am in the early stages of planning a trip with my friend on the Pan-American Highway— a dream of mine— and she's whining, saying **** like, "well don't drive alone" and "get your car checked out first." CHRIST ON A STICK. I wouldn't be going alone, and for a trip like this, I'd honestly probably trade my car in for a camper or another similar vehicle. Why do my parents DO this?! I'm thirty-****ing-eight years old. I just hate feeling this way, and I do feel like this every time they open their mouths. To be honest, I always have. I remember when i was a tween and had a really uncontrollable temper, and I was shouting and my parents were not understanding, and my psychiatrist said to them, "your daughter is shouting because she's trying to be heard." They have NEVER understood me. I dont know why— I think I'm pretty clear. Regardless, I absolutely hate the burning up, stomach tightening, teeth clenching, hyperventilating, tachychardic mode that I get into. It takes a very long time for me to come down from that.

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