Hey Bimmy, I'm very sorry you're going through all this inner struggle with Bob and happy for you and new family.
I just think, all the Bob stuff aside, if your conscience is clear regarding the IVF then abide in that knowledge only. If Bob or anyone wants to argue and dismiss your IVF (which they haven't) then just know they'd be in the wrong. That's how I approach ppl knowing things about me. If the shame is hurting you badly then I don't think it has much to do with Bob and his wife at that point.🙏