I am ridiculously tired. Therapy later! I need to discuss if it's a good idea to try and work on a good relationship with my mom. Sometimes I think it is, but sometimes I think she's just such a bad fit of a person for me that it's not worth it. I like playing devil's advocate and making dark jokes which she hates, and am impatient with how slow she goes when talking about something because of all the minute details she puts in there. She triggers the fk out of me when I'm with her, but mostly that's on me just because a lot of noises feel threatening, and certain ones that don't scare me annoy me to the point I cannot be around them. She makes a lot of the threatening noises and the annoying noises. I feel like she's the reason I don't sleep in her house, but I could in the shelter, on random people's couches, in hospitals, etc. Just the vibe I get from her noise is so threatening. But maybe I could stop associating her with threats and be more comfortable around her? Do some stuff we'd do together when I was younger like go to the lakes and do puzzles. Maybe on her good days we could go for short walks. Show each other some music we like that the other could like.