Last night I got intense flashbacks and intense insomnia until 5am and I couldn’t sleep. I keep getting flashbacks of being raped but I feel like it's my fault still because I let it happen. I was a minor I was 16-17 with a whole 31 year old I don’t know what was wrong with me. I get it’s not my fault but it still feels that way. My mom said that when we fall in “love” (which I don’t think for a second that’s love I was manipulated into being attached/dependent” when we get attached I guess we aren’t ourselves. I was with him for 4 months while being 16 and two months at 17. :He would force me (with his words) to not wear condoms and I was so scared to get pregnant so he convinced me to get me really drunk and punch me in the stomach really hard which happened like twice. Since I agreed to it a part of me feels like it’s my fault. When I would say no he would just coerce me to do it anyway. Hopefully he goes to jail but whenever I go out I’m super paranoid I’ll find him. This has ruined my sleep and given me nightmares. I feel very alone but Atleast I have my mom. I have some nice dreams where I dream of having friends again.