I just can't seem to make people understand that while I'm happy and joyous on the outside I feel ugly on the inside. That's right I said ugly. Yes ugly.

The activities that I use to enjoy are empty. I don't feel fulfilled or accomplished. Every step is such an effort. What happened to the enjoyment that use to be there.

This "vacation" that I'm suppose to be on is to make the people around me feel better. It's not what I want. I want to be dead.

My two sons are the most precious people in my life. I don't want to hurt them but they would be so much better of without me. They have their own lives and families that require their attention.

All the Drs. all the pain and no one can figure out what is happening. But that's ok because I can have some more pills.

The most beautiful thing in life right now would be to cuddle down among the blankets tonight and never wake again.