I'm jumping into this one....

My wife and I first entered counselling in about 2004 or 5. It was because of her post partum depression and issues in our marriage.

Then again in about 2008.

Then steady from 2010 to 2013 with the same counselor. All along, there was something else I was supposed to be doing, something I was messing up on, something I was failing on, something that was in the way.

She alternately blamed me for her lack of a career (we moved away from her employer to a smaller town because she wanted to be a SAHM and we needed to find cheaper housing to do so), to her false starts at an education (three diplomas and two degrees between 2010 and 2020, none of which she finished), to her health issues (NVM that I attended a TON of doctor appointments with her, and became the family cook exclusively for about 10 years as she tried various exclusion diets), to being that she couldn't get support from me (despite paying for daycare WHILE she was home so that she could look after her health and mental health for two years, then again while she was in school online despite all the kids being school age)

I ultimately found out, via this board, and my marriage finally crumbling (and me nearly going insane) that there exist disorders where people appear vulnerable, and use mental and physical health conditions as a reason and a way to manipulate, scapegoat, and control the family.



Where am I at in life now? I'm just over 10 years older than you, with kids that range from teens to 20. The kids are no contact with their mom for over 1.5 years. We're doing good. It's incredibly hard, but we're doing good.

Step on this guy. Set some hard boundaries and expectations. Don't accept blame.

You're effectively a working single mom now. You WANT a family life. So did I, immeasurably, to the point that I gave myself away. But six months after we separated, I found myself thinking, "What did I lose? I lost the HOPE of a family life. But in acutality, I have more time, more peace, and healthier kids than I've ever had before." You're in the same boat.

RDMercer