I’ve talked to them about connecting with their mom often

Ultimately the youngest said “You have to stop! This makes me insecure! I need to be safe here!”

She was physically aggressive with the oldest when he was a boy. Those stories have continued to trickle out. She’d pushed him to the floor and cursed him out. Never struck him. He raged at me for trying to talk about peace. I told him, There’s validation you need that I can’t give you. I’m not trying to work against you. I just want you to feel whole. He understood that but told me it was over and to stop.

Done.

I haven’t tried to get her to show an interest in the kids since March 2023. She leaves small gift bags at the door at odd times on their birthdays but that’s been it. Not one question about them.

In May last year one of the kids needed to see a doctor and I realized she’d taken the insurance info and cards. When I texted her and told her I needed it, she texted back a picture of their cards and birth certificates on her sofa and said “you’re never getting these” and STILL never asked why we were going to the doctor

Sometimes when I really question myself, I remind myself…. If someone raised my kids in my stead, I’d feel indebted to them and speak about them respectfully. I was never afforded that.

Yeah, I’m lonely sometimes. And being around couples is hard and being around cynical singles is hard. I’m not cynical. I believe in love, marriage and commitment to a partner still. I speak to the kids hopefully about their future lives and families.

Actually confronting that the person I was DEVOTED to was just a shell, a veneer, and not a whole person is staggering.

As I’ve said before. By my nature I’m a problem solver, and I’m good at making sense of things in the world. It’s in my nature to ruminate and try to solve this. I bet I’ve written and deleted a hundred emails this year. I haven’t FULLY accepted she’s unreachable, but I HAVE accepted anything I say or do could be twisted against me in court. So I’ve let my lawyer do the talking since a long time now.

RDM