Dear T,

Home safe, despite a bad panic attack shortly before the bridge--I think triggered by the Google Maps-warned backup and two-way traffic (which wasn't there a couple weeks ago). I pulled out all the stops, blasting cold air on my face, trying to drink water (though my throat was tight), trying to breathe through it, using the peppermint and calming oils I had with me, and clutching the stone (which I haven't used in recent bridge crossings). I also imagined you telling me "You can get through this" and "I believe in you." Which helped. I made it through.

I was tempted to take the pre-bridge exit to collect myself, but I had the pigs with me, and it was already a long drive (exacerbated by traffic). I felt it would be better to push through (though I know it would have been OK to take the exit if I hadn't felt safe to drive).

I had an insight about how I felt when I was leaving the condo today that I think is worth exploring with you. As it ties into feelings I've had with other things. And I might know what it's about, but we need to discuss that more.

Miss you. Glad I'm seeing you Sunday, but sad it will be just that and Tuesday, then you're away for a week (though I will see R once in there--well, and p-doc, but I see that being a stressful meeting, as it's been so long).

Love you,
LT