MeltedCrayons, I'm so sorry you lost your Mom and at such a young age.
It sounds like you didn't get help to deal with losing your Mom and you are really struggling; a therapist would be someone to share these things with. Talking may start out feeling awkward, but with time it will feel comfortable and the therapist will help you with it.

A year is so long to have to wait for the help you would like to have.
Could you write your Dad a note to tell him?