Thank you, LT and Lost!

I'm not sure if I shared the story with her about the blue bear, but if I didn't, I emailed her about it today along with other stories of things I've lost (objects and spaces).

The ottoman will be stored in another room when I'm not there. She'll only bring it out when I am there. I don't know if I believe her, but she said if I always wanted it I could keep it. She doesn't make promises so technically she's not lying. But I don't necessarily believe that her decision won't change in time.

About saying resenting: I wish she didn't say it. It hurt and was not helpful. Made me feel like a burden or in the way. Like I shouldn't ask for anything. But we do have our rule: Honesty first. And she was being honest. We are also open with each other. It just hurt.

Today was an actual good day considering all the grief and sadness. I got to acknowledge and say goodbye to every aspect of the office space: the lobby, another room we have used, the hallway, and her personal office. We did grounding exercises in the lobby and her office. She's taken pictures of everything and she's going to make meditations for both the lobby and office as well. We processed a lot. I think, hopefully, she's understanding what this all means to me and how much I'm giving up. She had two plants. One she'll take to the new place and one I keep. We also exchanged blankets (her blanket she gave to me and the one I made for her) in order to "recharge" them. And she said I can reach out for whatever I need to. Oh! And she said, again I don't know if I believe her, that if I needed to, we could go back and visit the old office again.

I hope I learn to love the new place. L thinks I will over time. I want to. I also want this to be our last "home" for a long long time. This stuff is so painful to me.