KAIKA: I hope you overcome the feelings caused by your prior bullies. If your social life is coming along, I hope you develop lifelong, dependable friends. Thanks for your insight.

Yes, time is a factor. I tried talking to people about the bullies when I was in my 20s. I was too ashamed of it in my upper teens, it didn't seem cool to tell other kids that you were a victim. My friends from my 20s pretty much said, "that's in the past, let it go, stop talking about it." I never talked to my parents. Now I realize I should have been in therapy and I should have confronted my parents to tell them how I felt abandoned when they chose to do absolutely nothing when the school counselor called them to say I was appearing to have a nervous breakdown. To this day they don't know half the stuff that was done to me or the fact that I was suicidal. By taking no action, I thought they didn't care and I might as well clam up and take matters into my own hands. The only thing that stopped me from commiting suicide was a county redistricting decision that put me in a different school and I prayed for better days. Things got a lot better on the outside, I was still in a lot of pain on the inside though.

The bully prevention programs train parents to look for signs of bullying. I dreaded everyday of going to school, stopped eating, cried a lot, slept in class, no energy, all the symptoms. No one in my household made the connection. They thought I just wanted to play hookie or didn't like school work. To the contrary, I loved school work. Because I had to listen to them lecture about the school work, and I couldn't get it out about the bullying or having a preference being dead than to go to school, I started hating being at home too. It was a pathetic situation. I never fully recovered from that lost period of learning either. Ironically, as I got better, my parents thought/think it's because of their disciplining tactics.

The reason KAIKA doesn't see the bully prevention programs working is probably because too many parents and other adults use a "kids will be kids" philosophy. They think kids have to learn to be tough and a little aggression here and there makes them a stronger. I suppose "sensitive people" are in the minority. There seems to be more pressure on kids to succeed at sports, academics, whatever. Any pressure to succeed can result in negative behaviors from the kids who don't meet a milestone. (Recent news: Temptation to steal tests and break into networks to change grades!) There's also more materialism and dating than I noticed as a teen...it seems to have led to more violent fighting over boyfriends/girlfriends and jealousy.

I did read up on complex PTSD and noticed that bullying is getting more attention as a cause of PTS. There's quite a bit on work-place bullying. I've had that one too, but I attributed my inability to confront workplace bullies with my unresolved childhood bullies.

It's so easy for people to excuse poor behavior. It's easy for people to cover up their past wrongs and move on. I never forget the talk show episodes that bring a former bully and their victim(s) together in an effort for the victim to seek closure. Nine times out of 10, the bully swears they don't remember the incidents or they didn't think it was that big of a deal. I used to dream of being on those shows so I could confront my own bullies and I'd write out what I'd say to them.

I read on one site that PTSD is characterized by the person feeling helpless in the situation and the feeling of helplessness has to be attacked first. We have to learn that it's not our fault that we couldn't change the situation and forgive the people associated with the trauma. When something triggers that feeling of helplessness, in my case dealing with offensive behavior from another adult, we need an action plan to get through it. I'm realizing that even though I've had an action plan, it's not effective simply because I'm not good at the very thing the action plan requires. Which is also the very thing that makes me an easy target. I have to deal with triggers the way a dyslexic person probably deals with reading; one word at a time or one defensive response at a time. I need practice and a coach.

I've searched for groups for adult victims of childhood bullying, no luck. There are groups listed for general PTSD, but I just know someone would act as if my problem is minor and would say the same thing so many other people have said, "Get over it!"